1. What are the deal with these obnoxiously ugly Silly Bandz®? I understand it’s just another meaningless fad, but seriously? Rubber bands that are in the shapes of animals and countless other things? This has to be a trend for middle school students and below as well those that include in the scene and hipster group varieties that believe they dress “different” to be “unique“, when in fact they all dress exactly the same and buy into whatever gimmick they’re after. It has Hot Topic written all over it and much to my surprise, Hot Topic doesn’t even carry them, which leads me to number two.
2. Hot Topic apparently is promoting crop tops. They come back every decade in a new form and I don’t appreciate it’s terror on my eyes and those with taste. Why would any girl want to frolic about in a cropped T-Shirt with the print of the American flag? Because they’re trashy, that’s why. I imagine them paired with frayed jean skirts or something that falls into the leggings variety, which by the way, are not or ever pants. You look like filth.
5. Ke$82@#a. This is pretty much unrelated, but I don’t understand her public persona. She does her robot moves on stage and emits the glow of a low-rent hooker that has a fetish for all things crafts, feathers and glitter particularly. While alcoholism and crafts are a few of my favorite things, she is not. Take a shower girl.
6. Vogue. Come now, Anna, I read who is rumored to be on the August cover. Gwyneth Paltrow. Color me unimpressed. While she may have a flare for style, pretty, and legs up to the moon, her personality is about as vibrant as a toaster. I’m dearly hoping this is yet just a rumor, because the way your covers tend to bore me to endless lengths, this cover girl is one I could go without for the 1,321th time. Try a model. Maybe one that’s not Gisele and it doesn’t have to be Kate. Choose a trio of models with fierce gazes that have smizing written all over it. I double-dog-dare you. Maybe triple.